Women. The answer is women. I can’t believe I have to explain this but yes, women are the victims of the patriarchy. And the fact that we can’t fully admit this, only goes to show that things are far worse than we think.
First of all, let’s clear some things up: just because you’re a man that does not mean your life isn’t hard and it doesn’t mean that every woman’s life is harder than yours. I’m not interested in arguing over whose life is harder. But, if you are a man that means that you are afforded a certain kind of privilege. This privilege simply comes from not facing female oppression. Like white privilege, straight privilege, cis privilege, etc., having male privilege only means that you aren’t a victim under the patriarchy. In fact, all men (whether misogynists or not) actively benefit from the patriarchy.
Next, it’s vital to understand the difference between being oppressed and being negatively affected by systemic oppression. From 35% of women (globally) having experienced sexual violence in their lives (UN Women) to women’s bodies being regulated by their governments to the blatant yet socially acceptable sexual objectification of women and girls on a daily basis, women are oppressed.
“But men have issues too! And you feminists never talk about them!” Of course they do. There are a plethora of issues facing men as a result of the patriarchy because systemic oppression hurts us all. Usually, these issues stem directly from things like toxic masculinity or even negative ramifications of misogyny. And a majority of the time, feminists are the ones to address these issues.
For example, toxic masculinity exposes men and boys to bullying and harassment when they don’t have what society has deemed a “masculine” body type. Additionally, the idea that “men can’t be raped” prevents male victims from seeing their rapists brought to justice. And Harry Styles’ latest photoshoot with Vogue is a perfect example of just how much hate men are faced with when doing stereotypically feminine things. But all of these things are rooted in misogyny. Toxic masculinity–the cultural concept of manliness defined mainly by violence, aggression, and strength–exists purely to perpetuate the idea that men are inherently more fit physically, mentally, and emotionally.
Our society believes that “men can’t be raped” because we sexually objectify women to the extent that we think only women can be sexually violated. And when men are shamed for doing stereotypically feminine things, it’s not only because of toxic masculinity but also because we see existing as women as an inherently degrading act and therefore anything associated with women is degrading as well.
However, a few key arguments that are relied on as examples of male issues, don’t exactly hold their ground. I often hear the suicide disparity across the genders (men are two to four times more likely to die by suicide) used as one of these examples. While this statistic is true, it’s terribly misleading and shouldn’t be taken at face value. The reality is, that even though men are more likely to die by suicide, women are three to five times more likely to attempt it at all.
This is because women’s suicide attempts fail disproportionately more than men’s (VeryWell Mind). Another common argument is that women are favored in custody battles by the court. While it is true that only 17.5% of custodial parents are men, it’s also true that 91% of custody agreements are decided outside of the court. This means that a vast majority of custody cases are mutually agreed upon by both parents (Current Population Census).
The important fact to remember is that unless we can admit that a group of people are oppressed, we can never hope to end that oppression.
